Dressed in White

I fell in-love, i met him, i finally met the other half to my soul and i can’t of course be with him, hahah ironic and tragic… It seems to be a trend. After all my attempts to get lost and forget now too we changed so much we cannot recognize ourselves, my mind my heart still goes back. Always.

Truth is…I liked him before anyone knew who he was, before anyone knew his name.

Why even though painful why do those memory seem so warm. Even though so far away why does it seem so close, like it was just yesterday… We were talking about the world losing track of time. Now i’m running around, with no time, trying to make time to keep the few friends I have left.

He’s gone, a year now… Yet it feels like yesterday we were lying on the carpet staying up late and he was staring at my face, as I tried to stay awake. Every time I opened my eyes he was looking at me as if he knew this is the only time we would get to be happy together. We both knew the universe wouldn’t let us be together and things were gonna go to shit.

Just like that my soul mate bid me farewell, dressed in white he was that day when it all went astray.

I liked his friend first, than i met him and i fell in-love with him almost instantly. Crazy. I am still in-love but i am in-love with the memory of who we used to be.

When i first met him i was so convinced i was going to meet his dad i was going to introduce him to my family, and i to his. i was so innocent i never partied or got drunk. now I’m 21 and just in first five months of 2016 my body count went from 1 to 3. Which is a lot for someone who was brought up the way i did.

He isn’t innocent either anymore or kind. A renowned savage breaking peoples’ hearts, the reason for that i think is because life broke our hearts not letting us live the epic love story fairy tale we were supposed to live.

Now we are both cold, savage and empty. I wonder if he has a hard time recognizing himself in the mirror as I have lately. We probably won’t find each other again so we indulge in the savage life and claim it makes us happy.

All i wanted was to be dressed in white.

Goodnight Romeo

Oh happy dagger,

Juliet xx

 

King of Hearts

When i was young, and i went through my first heartbreak, the one that really shattered me, a man told me… The only way to cure an old love is with a new love, angrily and so in-love i refused to believe it, for years i pursued the one who broke my heart… I got him back felt smug that i proved everyone wrong then eventually we broke up again, and i was the one to end it.

A year later i encountered someone who struck my heart just as hard as my ex i fell so madly in love with, to point i was convinced this creature was my reflection a  male version of me.  He ended up breaking my heart. I broke my own heart because he was nothing but trouble, yet i went for it. Months later…I met someone.

Pure coincidence, we’ve seen each other but never spoke to each other, every-time he saw me i was being a child of the night beyond intoxicated and unaware of those who surround me. Yet one fine night the day before Christmas Eve i met him and, after that we started talking everyday and he made me realize, how foolish i was for ever falling so hard for all the ones before him. He made me realize that i am a Queen and not a peasant and that i deserve to be loved, to be happy.

The man was right… A new love. A king of hearts. makes you forget the Joker. Makes you realize you are a Queen.

 

She Rises

She opened her eyes her whole body sore from finally hitting the ground. She looked up saw the sunlight shining in the hole she just fell in…

Slowly she got up, she brushed her shoulder ever so gently, her knees and the rest of her body. She braided her long brown hair… Got some of the dirt & smeared two lines on each cheek as a reminder of how far she fell.

“time to start climbing” she said to herself… Then she whispered ” nowhere to go but up when you are in hell” She’s on a mission, she will get out. The people who threw her here should fear how much they will pay for each tear.

Today

Today was pretty incredible… here in wonderland i see sights i would never see back home.. i experience things that become stories that i would never be able to tell back home. it’s a different life a different air.. it’s like looking at the world with new eyes. to wake up and see beautiful mountains at a distance just beyond my reach to see trees and flowers everywhere and here it’s winter but even then it’s still warm.

To think these people never experienced true heartbreaking cold, that makes you sort of hate the world. There cold is just a little breeze still filled with some love, the cold back home is bitter unnerving unwelcoming each wind that hits your face more discouraging than the other… constantly telling you to get away. here no it’s a cold that is still loving in a way.

Here from the mountains you see the world, at home if there was even a mountain to go on top of you would only see an industrialized metropolitan city with buildings and fancy cars maybe no nature like here…  here from the top of the world you see all the beautiful things made by man and the beautiful nature coexisting in peace with each other.

A melody

last night was great… i shivered with each sound the piano made, there wasn’t any words but when i closed my eyes i found myself in a different place somewhere between time and space… I found myself in awe how can something be so beautiful?

It took me to a ball in which i was wearing a fancy gown and i was twirling and dancing around with a gentleman, then the music stopped playing i found myself back here again and with tears streaming down my face. Never has music moved me to tears but this particular melody did, without words it told me of a love story of something that couldn’t possibly be. To me nothing is more tragic than a love that is supposed to be, should be, could be, but isn’t.  A loss of potential…  

that’s what i love about the piano it tells you things and sends you places without speaking… it’s truly amazing.

5:34 am thoughts

it’s 5:34 am and i have come to the conclusion i am not going to fall asleep in this plane anymore……  My anxiety is far too great and it’s keeping me awake.. I am going to meet up my cousin when i get there, well at least that is the plan. I can’t help but wonder if she still the same crazy as ever… i hope so.  Sane people bore me to death i need someone on my level of insanity. this is by far one of the shittiest plane i ever been on for an international flight. Thank God it’s empty or else this would’ve been a very uncomfortable trip.

i keep peeking through my window and i am not sure what heaven looks like but if i could guess it would look like this sun rising through the clouds right now….  There is something so heavenly about the way the sun kisses the clouds good morning…. Kind of kiss that makes me envious, I kind of wish i could be kissed good morning like that…. Once upon time i was… actually no but i did wake up next to the one i loved at the time… at least thought i did seeing this sunrise the way the sun touches the clouds.., That is true love… a love i have yet to discover but can only dream about for now.

Take me to wonderland!

i can’t wait till i get to wonderland

so i can dance around on the grass

feel the sun on my skin

laugh at my own happiness

in wonderland

madness makes sense

sadness is nothing more than a pretense

of a absurd emotion that doesn’t exist there

in a land where all is right all is fair

only love no war

there is nothing to die but only live for

and we can spin around in circles on the beautiful grass

throw pebbles on the water and count how many times it skips

no right or wrong nothing is a sin

we appreciate madness because there it’s considered happiness